Judge John Hodgman on the Egg Order

Doug writes: My wife Emily and I have a 1-year-old son, so our mornings are hectic. I usually make eggs and toast for breakfast. When I ask Emily how she wants her eggs, she often responds “chef’s choice.” But I’m happy to cook whatever she wants. Please rule that Emily decide how she wants her eggs.

I, too, love to make eggs for my family. I find it meditative, and I enjoy feeding the people I love. And the best part is that I get to be alone for five seconds finally. While your intent is generous, the whole time you’re watching your yolks, Emily is watching your 1-year-old solo. She doesn’t have time to indulge your short-order-cook fantasy — every decision point is just extra homework for her. Remember: Real help isn’t helping the way you want to help. It’s helping the way you are asked to help. Leave her alone and enjoy the solitary art of making delicious order out of eggy chaos!